


Do You Get Me?

by opalmatrix



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Opposites Attract, Recklessness, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/pseuds/opalmatrix
Summary: Even after the events in "Burial," Gojyo isn't exactly sure what he wants with Hakkai.  A wayside incident after one of Sanzo's errands makes them both reconsider their relationship.





	Do You Get Me?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sonnets_and_snowdrops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonnets_and_snowdrops/gifts).



> Del, you wanted the boys to be dumb and fluffy, but also you wanted angst and cold weather, I hope I got the elements nested the way you wanted! Title is from [a song by Everything but the Girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvUGdA1pqg0): "I wanna be addicted / I wanna be secure / I wanna wake up after the night before / Do you get me?" Beta by [**Lady_Ganesh**](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh/pseuds/Lady_Ganesh).

"It's not a big deal," said Sanzo. "One day there, do the job, one day back. You should be home by the end of the week."

Gojyo was tempted to scoff just on principle. He leaned back as well he could in the stiff wooden chair and glanced over at Hakkai, who seemed to be thinking it over. "Is there any reliable information on what we'll be facing?" Hakkai asked.

Sanzo tapped the paper on the desk in front of him. "At a guess, a small group of humans. In hindsight, the villagers remembered several men they didn't know hanging around the market there in Lushan and asking questions about the temple the afternoon before the theft seems to have taken place. The senior priest noticed the items missing the next morning: a scepter of silver inlaid with jade and three sacred scrolls in cases inlaid with various gems. That was yesterday morning. They sent a messenger here right away."

"It doesn't sound as though the items were terribly valuable in themselves," said Hakkai. "I presume the thieves will be trying to find a dealer in antiquities. They'll need a town of some size, or even a city."

"The villagers are watching roads," said Sanzo. "Lushan is up in the hills, so unless the thieves go overland, they'll be noticed."

"OK, piece of cake," said Gojyo. 'A few humans."

"Well, since you put it that way," said Hakkai, with one of his fake smiles. Gojyo looked away. Man, it was annoying when he did that.

Sanzo seemed to think so too. "Is there a problem, Hakkai?"

"I'm sure we'll manage," said Hakkai, his tone sweet enough to give anyone a sugar rush. "We'd better pack and get an early start tomorrow." He got up, bowed, and left the room.

Sanzo waved them off and reached for his glasses. He pulled some more papers out of a box and started to look at them. After a moment, he noticed Gojyo still loitering near the doorway. "What?" he said.

Gojyo looked away. "Nothin'," he said. 

"Then get out of here," said Sanzo.

Gojyo jerked his head at the door. "He hardly ever says what he's thinkin'."

"True."

Damn. "It makes things tough, sometimes," Gojyo said.

"That's one of the many problems with attachments," said Sanzo. "But you didn't like it when you thought he wasn't coming back, either."

"Nope," said Gojyo. "I didn't."

Sanzo out down his papers and huffed out an impatient breath. "What is it you want, Gojyo?"

Gojyo punched the doorjamb lightly. "Damn, I _told_ you, he doesn't say—"

"Wasn't what I meant." Sanzo cut him off. "You _have him back_. He cared enough about you to come after you when those lowlifes kidnapped you. But you're still not happy. What is it you actually want?"

"Oh."

"Yes, 'oh.' Think about it. It won't hurt you to actually use your brain for once."

"Love you too," muttered Gojyo and left.

Hakkai was talking to Goku outside, near the gate leading out of the temple grounds. "There you are," he said, cheerfully enough. "We should get going."

"Have a good trip," said Goku, waving.

Hakkai seemed normal enough, thought Gojyo as they walked back to the house. When they went inside, Gojyo pulled their rucksacks off the top shelf and put them down near the clothes cupboard. "So," he said, trying not to sound impatient or nosy. "What was that back at the temple? When I said it was just a few humans?"

"What indeed?" said Hakkai, looking up from a pile of Gojyo's boxers and shirts. His good eye was glinting dangerously and his smile was even more brittle than before. "What's a human or three worth, after all?"

Hakkai. Not human anymore. "Shit," said Gojyo.

"Indeed." Hakkai turned back to the pile of clothes. "I'd like to get everything squared away and go to bed early."

Gojyo felt terrible. He hated it. 

He hated it so much that he grabbed his jacket again and went out to Jun's, where he drank beer, flirted with girls, gambled for several hours, and actually won a decent amount of money. But when he got home, Hakkai was asleep. He'd left Gojyo some rice balls, roast pork and pickled gourd. Gojyo stuffed his face and crashed on the old sofa.

At breakfast early the next morning, he was red-eyed and groggy. Hakkai was chipper and hard-edged. They shouldered their packs and headed off down the road to the village, Hakkai leading the way. Gojyo mostly looked at his own feet. When he looked up, there was nothing to see but Hakkai's bony, square-set shoulders, stiff back, and narrow hips. Every movement said "I am so pissed at you, Gojyo, but I'm not going to actually yell." Gojyo wished he would, already.

By lunch time, Gojyo was properly awake, and Hakkai had loosened up a little. Over pork skewers, rice, and tea at a roadside cookshop, they talked about nothing in particular: Goku's lessons, the new book and stationary shop back in Chang'an, the way the wind was picking up.

The road got steeper after lunch. At one point, they crossed a small river, noisy and brimful from the autumn rains, on an ancient but sturdy bridge. When they reached their destination, it was mid-afternoon, and the winter sun was was halfway down to the horizon. The head of the town guard took them to the temple and introduced them to the gentle old head priest and his two novices. The priest showed them the table that used to hold the scepter and the scroll cases, bare now, and with darker marks on the cloth that showed exactly where the things usually sat.

"Hmm," said Hakkai. "Is there a back door?"

"Yes, yes," said the old codger. He showed them: it opened onto a small, walled courtyard. The priest's quarters were across the pavement: a small kitchen, a classroom, several tiny sleeping cells. There was a gateway with no gate to shut, some vegetable patches with a few cabbages still growing, and that was it. 

The gateway opened onto a side street of the village. It seemed unlikely that anyone trying to sneak in or out would want to go that way. Hakkai and Gojyo went out and followed the walls. About a third of the way around, they found some small trees and bushes with broken branches. It didn't take much to pick up the trail from there.

"Let's go," said Gojyo. The prospect of a good, brisk fight excited him: something uncomplicated, where he could just let himself go and not think.

The old priest looked appalled. "The sun is going down," he protested.

That wasn't much of a problem for Gojyo. It _might_ not be a problem for Hakkai: Gojyo wasn't sure. He looked over at his partner. Hakkai was looking at the broken twigs and scuffed dirt with something like hunger: maybe he was feeling like a good hunt too. But at last he sighed. "You're right, Father Yun. I guess we'd better find an inn, and plan on an early start."

There was only one inn, actually. Gojyo wasn't surprised: Lushan was a pretty runty village. The place was was clean and plain, but the lady in charge was a decent cook. After an ample supper of dumplings, chicken with vegetables, rice, and sliced pears, the two of them headed up to bed.

The room was white-washed and simple. There was no stove or other heater, but one wall was placed against the chimney from the kitchen stove and oven, so that some heat leaked into the room. There were two narrow beds heaped with homely quilts, some hooks on the wall for clothes and a little table between the beds with a single oil lamp on it. The toilet and washroom were down the hall; Gojyo was actually pleasantly surprised that there was indoor plumbing.

Hakkai partially undressed while Gojyo savored an after-dinner cigarette, watching his housemate from the corners of his eyes. Hakkai hung his outer shirt on a hook, put his outdoor shoes neatly under the bed, and then rummaged in his rucksack for his washbag. Every knob of his spine could be counted through his thin undershirt, and the dark wings of his hairline stood out starkly against the white skin of his neck, oddly naked and vulnerable.

Suddenly Hakkai turned and looked at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'! I didn't say anything."

They stared at each other for several seconds. Gojyo felt a little prickly heat around his hairline, like he was embarrassed or something. Finally, Hakkai turned to pull an old pair of felt slippers out of his bag and stepped into them. "Neither of us asked to be what we are, Gojyo," he said and left the room.

Well, damn, thought Gojyo. He was about to grind his smoke out on the windowsill but felt a sudden wash of guilt. Yeah, there was an ashtray on the table by the lamp. He used it and started to unlace his boots.

By the time Hakkai came back, his face clean and shining, Gojyo was lying on top of the quilts on one of the beds, wearing his singlet and trousers, hands behind his head, elbows fanned out. He was thinking, and he didn't like it: thinking about what Sanzo had said, and what Hakkai had just said. What had he thought the night he'd found Hakkai? _Life is so easy, I could just puke._. 

Hakkai came back. "You too, Gojyo."

So Gojyo went and brushed his teeth. Not because Hakkai was his mom, but because clean teeth meant your mouth didn't taste as much like a garbage dump in the morning.

When he came back, Hakka was just a lump under the quilts in the other bed. Gojyo shed his trousers, turned out the lamp, and got under the covers. As he waited for sleep to come, he listened to Hakkai's gentle breathing. _No, I don't want to go back to before he came._

Hakkai got them up very early, when the village cocks were just crowing. They drank tea, ate rice balls and boiled eggs, and crept off as the first rays of the sun illuminated the thieves' trail of broken twigs and snagged threads.

They came to a clearing about half a mile off where the thieves had made camp. There were three of them, still in their bedrolls, the lazy lumps. If the idea was to kill them instead of capture them, Gojyo would have been inclined to yell and wake them first; it was only fair, if they were going to be fighting for their lives. 

As it was, Hakkai used a chi blast to pin the toughest-looking one into his bedroll. Gojyo grabbed the smallest one by one arm, hauled him up, got both his arms behind his back, and roped them together. Then he left the guy on his belly, because the other two were waking up. He summoned his shakujo. When the next one stood up, Gojyo cast the shakujo's head toward the thief and pulled, causing the chain to truss him up like meat for the spit. 

Hakkai was now beside the one he'd pinned down. He released the force field, then clocked the thief neatly on the temple with an elbow strike when the man tried to leap to his feet. He went down like a dropped sack of meal, and Hakkai had his hands tied behind him before he started to stir. Then Hakkai looked over at Gojyo, who retracted the shakujo chain and spun the guy who'd been caught in it like top. This thief was still pretty lively, even while staggering around, so Gojyo took him down into a ground hold and pinned him so Hakkai could tie him.

"What a neat job," said Hakkai cheerfully. "I'll go fetch the authorities while you keep an eye on them."

He trotted off. Gojyo looked at the three idiots. Yeah, a neat job. A little too neat. The fight had hardly raised a sweat. He was still pumped and ready for something to burn off that energy. 

"You cocksucker!" snarled one of the guys on the ground.

That was not only boring, it wasn't true. At least not any time recently. "Awww, what'sa matter? You not comfortable?" crooned Gojyo. "Tell you you what, I'll show you how uncomfortable you _could've_ been."

He whipped the shakujo around and left the blade fly out to hit a young tree across the clearing. Bark shreds and wood shards flew. Two more blows, and the shakujo had chewed through 8 inches of timber. The upper part of the tree swayed and fell into the clearing. The top branches fell across the three thieves, who shouted in protest. Gojyo sniggered and tried some more interesting casts, wrapping the chain around trees, letting the chain snag against a trunk to hit a tree beyond and to the side, jumping over the extended chain as it whirled past and then reeling the blade back in. The prisoners watched in sulky silence, twitching occasionally when Gojyo allowed the blade to cut into the trees.

"Oh dear," said Hakkai, when he returned with six grumpy-looking guys from Lushan and Father Yun. "I see you've kept yourself occupied."

"They were belly-achin'," said Gojyo, unrepentent. "I thought they could use some entertainment."

"You miscreants," said Father Yun sternly. "What have you done with the treasures from our temple?"

The three thieves looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes. Hakkai sighed. Gojyo grinned.

"Hey," he said, spinning the shakujo in lazy figures of eight, "Give the father some respect. Where's his _stuff?_ " On the last word, he brought the shakujo down with a whistling rush of air and stopped the blade just six inches from the nearest guy's shoulder. The villagers gasped.

"Rocks!" the thief babbled, breaking down abruptly. "A cairn of rocks, just up the hill!"

"Gojyo," said Hakkai, very calm and cool. "Go with Father Yun and find it." He locked eyes with Gojyo. Gojyo broke the staring contest first and gave an exasperated huff.

"C'mon, father," he said.

The cairn was easy to find: the thieves hadn't been any more careful to and from the spot than they had been earlier. Father Yun examined each thing carefully, gave a sigh of relief, and would have gathered them all up into his scrawny arms, except that Gojyo stopped him. In the end, the old priest carried the scepter and one of the scroll cases, and Gojyo took the other two.

By the time the two of them reached the thieves' camp, the villagers had the crooks on their feet, ready to be marched back to Lushan. They all made quite a procession, with Hakkai leading the way, the villagers escorting the crooks, and Father Yun and Gojyo bringing up the rear. The thieves were tossed into the local jail, and Gojyo and Hakkai helped the headman write a report for the district judge. The report went off with two of the guys who had help bring the thieves back, and the headman invited Gojyo and Hakkai to lunch, on him, at the inn.

They ate vegetable patties with sauce, red-cooked pork, fried rice with egg and dried shrimp, and almond cookies. They could have stayed another night as honored guests, but Hakkai wanted to get on the road. "It smells like snow is coming," he said.

Gojyo sniffed the air himself, once they were outside again, and he knew what Hakkai meant. The wind smelled of metal and was blowing in pushy little gusts. If they hurried, they might be home by mid-evening.

The walk homeward was boring and increasingly chilly. Despite how well everything had gone, neither of them were in a great mood. Hakkai was more silent than usual, and Gojyo was getting more and more irritated. A good fight would have helped. Where was a ravaging band of bandits when you needed one?

He was not surprised when it started to sleet, or that the sleet then turned into icy little pellets of snow.

As they approached the bridge they had used the day before, they heard shrill yelling in the distance. Gojyo's mind lacksadaisically categorized it as kids being noisy. Hakkai stopped and looked around. "That doesn't sound right," he said.

Gojyo halted and turned in a slow circle, looking and listening. The snow was not that heavy, but the wind was pushing it into wavering curtains, making it hard to see more than a couple of hundred yards. "There, downstream," he said at last. 

They stepped off the road and walked along the river as fast as they dared. Soon they realized there was an actual path. After a quarter mile, a couple of kids ran up to them. Gojyo thought it was a boy and a girl, but they were so wrapped up, it was hard to tell.

"Mister, she's stuck!"

"He means his little sister! We were climbing out to Birds Nest Rock, and the tree is too slippery, and she won't come back!"

"The water is rising," said the boy. "We're afraid it'll wash the tree away!"

"There now," said Hakkai. "Be brave. Show us where this is happening."

The kids brought them another hundred yards or so along the riverbank. A tall tree had fallen over at some time in the past, leaving a large hole in the bank. The tree trunk stretched out over the water to a rocky little island about thirty feet out into the river. On a good day, the distance might have been a little less. Now the rushing, dark grey water, flecked here and there with grimy foam, was only a couple of feet below the trunk, which gleamed with a light coating of ice. On the rock was a child slightly smaller than the two who had accosted Gojyo and Hakkai. She was wiping her eyes with mittened hands, her mouth an "o" of distress.

"Aww, poor thing," said Gojyo. He dropped his pack on the ground, opened it, and pulled out the lengths of rope they had for tying up crooks. He knotted the lengths around him like so many extra belts.

"Gojyo! What are you doing?" asked Hakkai, his eyes wide.

"Gonna go get her," said Gojyo. "Look how fast the water's comin' up." His blood was singing happily, glad of something physical and dangerous to do.

"No, Gojyo. You children! You two big ones, run to your village and get people. Tell them to bring more ropes, maybe a tall ladder or even two. Run!"

The two oldest children left, urging each other onward. Gojyo continued what he was doing. When he was done, he summoned his shakujo, which made the children ooh and ahh.

"Gojyo! You can't!" said Hakkai, his voice rising with distress. 

Gojyo looked at him and grinned. "Watch me, Mom," he said, as he jumped across the hole and onto the massive root ball, the mighty roots half-exposed by a season of rains. He stepped up on the tree trunk, holding the shakujo like a rope-dancer's balancing pole.

The tree was damn slippery, but the ice was fragile and crumbly. Gojyo ground the ball of each foot down before putting his whole weight on it, crushing the light coating of ice and knocking it off. He arrived at the island and made the shakujo vanish. As soon as it was gone, the little girl threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her face was chapped and damp with tears and snot.

"Hold on, sweetheart," said Gojyo, glad that Hakkai insisted he carry two handkerchiefs in cold weather. He wiped her face off and then set her back on her feet. "OK, this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna take these ropes off and kneel down here, like this. Now you put your arms around me again, around my neck. Now I'm gonna tie you onto me. It might hurt a little on your hands, but you're a brave girl, right? You climbed all the way out here! OK, that's three good strong ropes holdin' you. Now, when I stand up, wrap your legs around my middle, like a monkey climbin' a tree. Good job. Now I'm gonna walk on my hands an' feet, like a daddy monkey."

One glance at the water rushing below the tree trunk told him he didn't have much time, even though he saw, through the blowing snow, some figures approaching from the direction the kids had run. Hakkai was standing at the edge of the river near the tree trunk with his arms wrapped about himself, as though he was afraid of falling apart physically and had to hold himself together. Gojyo grinned reassuringly at him and turned his attention to the physical challenge ahead.

Thank all the gods for good, well-fitting leather gloves. The grip of his hands was secure; his knees and feet, with the girl's weight pulling at him, not so much. His belly muscles were trembling with the effort of keeping their combined weight centered on the tree trunk. They moved at a worm's pace, the wind whistling past Gojyo's ears, the roar of the river below them a growing threat.

Here at last was the hole in the riverbank and the massive sunburst of roots. Gojyo eased himself to sit astride a huge root, his ass on some icy mud, and held the kid in his arms. "Are you OK, sweetie?"

She nodded, her face pushed against his chest. "My wrists hurt," she said.

"We're almost done." Shit. He'd jumped from the edge of the hole to these roots on the way out. He couldn't do that, carrying the kid.

"Hold on, Gojyo!" shouted Hakkai. "They brought a ladder!"

He heaved a huge sigh of relief. With a sturdy ladder anchored by two big guys on the other side, it was easy to pass the kid over and then clamber over himself. The kid was in her daddy's arms, her mom alternately kissing and scolding her. Hakkai stood before him, his gloved hands twisting around themselves. "They're going to put us up for the night," he said. "I hope that's alright."

"Yeah, buddy. Shit, I'm tired."

Hakkai grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him. Then, before Gojyo could yell or anything, Hakkai threw his arms around him and leaned his head against Gojyo's shoulder, like the little girl had. "You're trembling. Gojyo, I was so frightened. I thought my heart would fail."

Gojyo patted him awkwardly. "Come on, this is the awesome Sha Gojyo, as agile and strong as anything, You shoulda known I'd be OK."

"Come on," said one of the women from the village. "We need to get you into some dry clothes."

Hakkai released him, and they followed the excited crowd. The village was even smaller than the one they'd just left, with no inn. They were invited to stay the night with the village's richest citizens, the general store owner and his wife, who kicked their teenaged sons out to spend the night with friends so that Gojyo and Hakkai could have their room.

Gojyo was soon bundled into a warm woolen wrapper over his own extra clothes, while the things he'd worn during the rescue, freshly washed, steamed in the kitchen. Their hostess and Hakkai, after some consultation, made him drink a hot, bitter concoction that involved citrus juices. Then he was given a glass of beer and allowed to doze on a settee in the main room, near a warm stove.

Hakkai woke him for a supper of hot pot, with vegetables, tofu, and thin slices of beef, followed by freshly made egg tarts. The couple's teenaged daughter flirted artlessly with Gojyo as she refilled his teacup. He gave her sweet smiles, but his heart wasn't in it because he ached all over. He was served another shot of hot, bitter medicine and sent to bed shortly thereafter, and he didn't even argue.

He awoke in the dark later on to a sound he hadn't heard for close to a year: Hakkai muffling sobs into his pillow. The room was warm and stuffy and smelled of teenaged human. "Hey," whispered Gojyo. "What's up?"

The noises stilled, and then Hakkai said, predictably, "Nothing."

"That's such bull," said Gojyo, without heat. "You haven't cried like that since you were lyin' around with your gut stitched up." He could see Hakkai now dimly, a dark grey shape, lying on his belly and raising his head from the pillow.

Hakkai rolled out of bed and stood looking down at Gojyo for a moment. "What would I have done if you had died, Gojyo?" he whispered, his voice trembling.

"Kept on keepin' on," he answered. "'S what I did after Jien left. It's what you did after Kanan died."

"That's not all I did after she died." Hakkai whisper was becoming a hiss. "I k-killed hundreds of people, a thousand youkai."

"Yeah? Well, you're not that man anymore."

"I'm not any kind of man anymore," breathed Hakkai. "You were throwing your life away on, on…."

"Hakkai, stop," said Gojyo, softly. "It was a lil' girl, right? It woulda been the same if she'd been youkai. It's my life, right? I was a total punk before you came. Now Sanzo has us doin' this gig. What if the guys this morning had had guns? I'm good with riskin' my life for a good cause. Even for Sanzo's idea of a good cause, which ain't always the same as mine."

"It's not the same as both of us fighting," whispered Hakkai. He fell to his knees and leaned on the bed near Gojyo, his head on his forearms. At least he didn't sound so dark and out of control now. "I had to _wait_ there, watching you, unable to help. Yes, you wanted to save the child, but part of it was…whatever's been getting you so out of sorts recently."

"Yeah. yeah, that's true," Gojyo sighed. "Guilty as charged. I still dunno what I'm doin' with this whole thing, this new life." He reached out and touched Hakkai's hand. It was like a lump of ice. "Shit, you're frozen, 's bad as me after I got off that damn tree today. Come on under the covers, OK?"

He moved over in the narrow bed, and after a moment, Hakkai crawled under the covers with him. He tried to maintain some sort of distance between them, but truthfully, there was no room. Gojyo huffed out an exasperated breath and slipped an arm beneath Hakkai's shoulders, pulling him to lie with his head on Gojyo's chest. He felt every single muscle in his arm when he did so.

"That hurt your arm, didn't it?" whispered Hakkai.

"Yeah, but it don't matter. I've had much worse. We'll warm up together, and I'll be fine." 

Hakkai was relaxing, but slowly, so very slowly. "I can hear your heart beating," he whispered.

"It helps, right? 's one of the things I missed when my brother left."

"All I could think of when you were out there, poised over that horrible river, was how much I'd miss you, body and soul."

"Aw, come on, Hakkai. She was your sister an' your lover. I'm just…." He stopped, feeling as though he'd was teetering on the brink of a chasm he hadn't even known about.

Hakkai stiffened again. "Yes?" he said, his voice colder, harder.

Oh, gods in heaven.

"You didn't know. I should leave," said Hakkai, his voice as bitter as the medicinal brew he'd given Gojyo earlier. He started to push away from Gojyo.

Gojyo grabbed for him and was ambushed by pain again. But he didn't let go. "Whoa, whoa, give a guy a chance to get used to the idea, can'tcha?"

Hakkai stopped resisting, but he lay stiff as a board on the very edge of the bed. "You are a complete lecher when it comes to women. I have never known you to look at a man with interest, let alone lust," he whispered, his voice a cold little hiss. "I have come to realize that I care for you very deeply, and I find myself moved by your appearance, but I know better than to expect you to reciprocate. I did not expect to tell you about it. It's much better that I don't force my unwanted feelings upon you."

"That's why you've been such a fussy little priss. It was drivin' me nuts," said Gojyo. "Look, it hasn't even been a year you've known me. I been with guys before. It wasn't what I liked best, even though it was easy, but those guys were some stupid jerks. Maybe it'd be different with someone I cared about."

"You don't mean—oh God!" Hakkai's tense body had been relaxing as he listened, but that made him sit halfway up and stare at Gojyo.

"Yeah. He was one. That's why he was so fuckin' shitty to you. So just gimme a chance to wrap my head around this, 'K? Right now, I'm tired as hell, an' everything hurts, an' we got a long walk home tomorrow."

"Oh Gojyo," sighed Hakkai. "I just…I know I'm a sinner. I don't deserve—."

"Well, what about what _I_ deserve, huh? I mean, I'm tryin' to mend my ways now. I know the gods can be pretty hard, but if that's what they're up to, then the hell with 'em."

"Gojyo, don't!" Cold fingers found Gojyo's lips, trying to stop any more blasphemy.

"Why the hell not?" mumbled Gojyo, around the fingers. He kissed the fingertips and relaxed. "Look, I need to go back to sleep. We c'n talk about this heavy stuff when we get home, please?"

"Yes, yes, I'm so thoughtless." Hakkai took his fingers away. "Remember that, Gojyo. I'm a selfish sinner."

"Stop, already." Gojyo shifted a little, trying to find a position that hurt less. "Ow. Can you do somethin' about my gut muscles? Weren't you learnin' some stuff about that up at the temple?"

"Oh…well, I'll try." Hakkai sat up and twisted to place both hands on Gojyo's abdomen. He was very still for a moment, and then Gojyo felt a soft warmth on his skin and then in his sore abs. A faint greenish glow was showing between Hakkai's fingers. "How does that feel?" Hakkai murmured.

"Good. Real good."

The glow increased for a few moments, and then Hakkai relaxed. His hands stayed where they were, kneading Gojyo's belly lightly, "How are they now?"

"Much better. Sleep now?"

In answer, Hakkai lay back down and pulled the quilts over them both. He put his arm over Gojyo's chest, and Gojyo's last memory before drowning in sleep was Hakkai leaning his head on Gojyo's shoulder.

The next morning, the weather was clear and cold. Hakkai let Gojyo sleep in for a couple of hours and worked on his legs and shoulders a bit before they left. The whole village turned out to see them off, and the little girl ran up to give Gojyo a big hug. They waved farewell to their hosts and the rest, and then they settled into the hike home.

They got to the temple at Chang'an an hour after sunset. When the monk on greeting duty announced them, Goku came racing out shouting "Helllo, hello!" and hurled himself at Gojyo, who barely caught him and then just stood there, grimacing, the boy a wriggling, awkward load in his arms.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" asked Goku, who expected noogies and being whirled around on such occasions.

"Gojyo rescued a little girl yesterday," explained Hakkai. "It was a very hard job, and he hurt a lot of his muscles. He's still not altogether well."

"Awww," said Goku, and slid out of Gojyo's grasp to give him a totally embarrassing hug. "Feel better!"

The kid tagged along when they went into Sanzo's office. Their boss banished the boy to a cushioned bench as Hakkai and Gojyo seated themselves in the usual chairs in front of his desk, Hakkai neatly, Gojyo gingerly. Sanzo took off his glasses to squint at Gojyo for a moment and then turned to Hakkai. "A rescue?"

As though he were dictating another report for the district judge, Hakkai explained what had taken place by the side of the river. He left out any speculation on why Gojyo might have felt the need to take such a reckless action. Sanzo glanced over at Gojyo once or twice and then gestured to Hakkai to finish up. "If this kind of thing is likely to happen again, you should be prepared with more equipment," he said. "Maybe you need to start taking a handcart along."

Gojyo grunted. "Sounds like a pain in the ass."

Sanzo glared at him. "Well, if you'd brought actual climbing and safety gear, you might not have such a pain in the ass now!"

Hakkai made soothing noises. "It all came out right in the end. It is indeed a pity we have no better means of transportation."

"I presume the business with the shrine thieves was resolved."

"Thieves weren't shit," said Gojyo, carelessly.

"Indeed," said Hakkai. He gave Sanzo the full report. Sanzo nodded and wrote carefully on one of the pieces of fine paper that he usually gave them as a promissory note after a job: it was good in most of the shops in town.

"Do you need any supplies at the house?" he asked, unexpectedly. 

"No, not immediately," said Hakkai, surprised. "I can put together some supper and breakfast with what we have."

Sanzo shook his head impatiently and pushed a piece of scrap paper and a carbon pencil at Hakkai. "Write a list, I'll have a couple of novices do a market run for you tomorrow. You look like you'd be better off staying put for a couple of days."

"Wow," said Gojyo. "Who the hell are you? Where did you put our Sanzo?"

Hakkai smiled and started a list. Sanzo snorted and stamped the pay slip with his chop, then pushed it toward Gojyo. The number was pretty amazing. The priest business must be doing well lately.

"I'll take that, Gojyo," said Hakkai, passing the shopping list back to Sanzo. "Thank you so much, Sanzo."

Sanzo had his glasses back on and was shifting a stack of papers out of his inbox. "Go on, get out of here," he said. As they left, he turned up his desk lamp and settled in for a soothing evening of paperwork. Goku sighed and flopped full length on his back on the bench.

"Bye, you guys," he said, sounding sad.

The walk to the house felt much too long. Gojyo was glad when they reached the little turnoff from the main road. Hakkai hurried ahead, so that Gojyo was greeted by lights on the porch and in the kitchen. The stove was going, and Hakkai smiled as Gojyo came in.

"Just drop your pack there in the corner," he said. "I'll get to it later. Lie down on the sofa. I'll get you a hot drink, and I'm making ramen with the leftover pork from before our journey. It's fine."

Gojyo lay down and fell fast asleep.

Hakkai woke him later with a hot lemon drink that was much better-tasting than the concoction he'd had in the village. They ate, and then Hakkai drew Gojyo a hot bath. He luxuriated in the tub while Hakkai cleaned up supper and unloaded the packs, piling the dirty clothes in the laundry basket for tomorrow. Hakkai helped him out when he'd stewed long enough to loosen his remaining sore muscles and wrapped him in warmed towels.

"Get ready for bed while I wash up," he said. There was something shaky about his smile, and Gojyo guessed that they were going to have a long talk. It was too bad, really.

But instead, Hakkai shooed him off the sofa, where he usually slept, and dragged him into the bedroom. The quilts were peeled back, the pillows were on the chair, and the bed was dressed with a canvas groundcloth covered with a couple of old sheets. Hakkai brandished a small bottle. "I thought I'd give you a massage," he said.

"Aw, man," said Gojyo, grinning. "You don't have to ask me twice." He shucked off his old sweatpants and singlet.

"On your belly, then," said Hakkai, sounding a bit breathless. He turned the lamp down to a gentle glow as Gojyo settled himself, his head pillowed on his arms. Gojyo watched Hakkai from the corners of his eyes as his friend poured a bit of the oil into one palm. He rubbed his hands together and then smoothed them over Gojyo's shoulders. There was a smell of sandalwood, backed with a faint odor of sesame. The oil had been warmed, and the pressure of Hakkai's hands was wonderful. Gojyo's eyelids drooped, and he wished he could purr.

Hakkai worked down from the nape of Gojyo's neck to his waist and then up each leg. Then he paused a moment. "Don't stop," said Gojyo, his voice soft and sleepy.

So Hakkai worked his way down from Gojyo's waist to his tailbone, and outward and downward over his buttocks. It felt like heaven, and Gojyo didn't attempt to fight the hard-on that started to make itself known. "Shall I turn you over?" murmured Hakkai.

Gojyo opened his eyes and smiled. "I bet you know what you're gonna find when you do."

"Yes," said Hakkai, very soft. Gojyo eased himself over, presenting the evidence of how much he liked Hakkai's treatment. Hakkai's gaze swept over him, fastening at last on Gojyo's erection. "What shall I do now?" he whispered.

"Take your stuff off, 'cause otherwise, it's gonna get all oily," said Gojyo. He watched as Hakkai undressed, tossing his clothes in the direction of the laundry basket and missing, because he was looking at Gojyo. He was all bone and thin, hard muscles, accented with that hideous scar and covered elsewhere with that fine, pale skin. "Come here," said Gojyo, opening his arms.

Hakkai fell on him, pressing himself against Gojyo as though trying to fit himself inside Gojyo's skin, thrusting his own erection against Gojyo's hip. Gojyo rubbed his palms against his own slick legs and massaged Hakkai's shoulders, then hoisted one of those wiry legs over himself. Hakkai got the idea and wriggled into place, their cocks alongside each other, pressed between their bellies. Gojyo ran his hands down Hakkai's back and cupped his ass, rubbing. "I'm not as good at this as you are," he said, "But it feels OK, yeah?"

"Yes," said Hakkai. It was a needy whimper. "What do we—? How do we—?"

"Tonight we're gonna keep it simple, " said Gojyo. He moved cautiously away from the side of the bed, making room for Hakkai and letting him slide off onto the sheet. Then Gojyo turned so that they were facing each other and slipped one arm around Hakkai, drawing him close, and the other hand, slicked with oil, around their two cocks.

"Aah," sighed Hakkai. "That feels so good."

Gojyo worked them both together, cautiously at first, trying to gauge how Hakkai liked it, then with more enthusiasm as he learned his partner. Hakkai was thrusting against his grip, and he came first, all the air in his lungs rushing out in a little whine, Gojyo let him go and worked himself hard, rubbing Hakkai's come into his skin as Hakkai watched, eyes half-lidded, and Gojyo finally spent prolifically, collapsing back onto the bed.

They both just lay there for a few moments in the golden dimness, catching their breath. "How are your muscles?" said Hakkai at last.

Gojyo laughed, short and sharp. "That is so _you_ ," he said. "Still a little sore, especially my arms. But I'll heal. Like Sanzo said, we can take the day off tomorrow."

"I'm not sure I want to talk about Sanzo at the moment," said Hakkai, primly, which made Gojyo grin.

"And here I thought we were gonna have a long, serious talk," he said.

"I thought so too," said Hakkai. "But by the time we got to the house, I found myself thinking, 'Well, here we are, and here is this lovely mess that we have between us. It's enough.' The only thing that still concerned me was whether we had, well, passion for each other, as well as affection. And I think I have my answer." He smiled, and it was the prettiest smile Gojyo had ever seen. He smiled back and then grimaced.

"Ugh, I guess we should clean up, I'm not sure how much longer I can stay awake."

They did so, with a brevity that Gojyo found astounding. "We can do a better job in the morning," said Hakkai, carelessly. And when Gojyo tried to go back into the main room and sleep on the sofa, Hakkai stopped him.

"You can sleep here," he said, gesturing to Gojyo to get into bed first, near the wall. Then he turned out the lamp and climbed into bed beside his lover.

Gojyo, slow with sleep and sated with sex, cuddled up behind him. This was more than he'd ever wanted, he thought, and it was good.


End file.
